CLOSED $29 Cash to win! Something FunNy Contest #3

I thought this was funny........

Yesterday my daughter threw a square looking thing that looks like a flash drive in front of me, and I'm like yeah and?? She said "I'm pregnant!" (I think I spelled that right) Well, I haven't seen the new test, what can I say, I'm going to be a grandma again!!

Roxy42:
I thought this was funny........

Yesterday my daughter threw a square looking thing that looks like a flash drive in front of me, and I'm like yeah and?? She said "I'm pregnant!" (I think I spelled that right) Well, I haven't seen the new test, what can I say, I'm going to be a grandma again!!

CONGRATS!!

Maybe we can have a contest to guess the due date
or something? I was thinking about
that when I read Monika's post too

The madam opened the brothel door in Winnipeg and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties.



"May I help you sir?", she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.



"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else", said the madam.



"No, I must see Valerie," he replied.



Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man she charged $5000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.



The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row as she was too expensive. But there were no discounts. The price was still $5000.



Again, the man pulled out the money , gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.



The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs.



After their session, Valerie questioned the man, "No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.



The man replied, "Ontario".



"Really", she said. "I have family in Ontario."



"I know." the man said. "Your sister died, and I am her attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."



The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain.

1. Death

2. Taxes

3. Being screwed by a lawyer

The contest about the pets reminded me of this...

My kitty cat artemis was the sweetest, most hyper, and dumbest cat I ever knew. I loved her, but she was pretty dumb. Anyways, we used to have these french doors with glass panes that separated the kitchen from the living room, and somehow she got herself caught in the kitchen late at night and couldn't get out. In the middle of the night, I heard glass breaking and came running out. There she was, standing on broken glass, in front of a broken pane that had a cut out of her little body - like a cartoon! - totally unphased. Somehow, she did not have a scratch anywhere on her, or else it wouldn't have been so funny!

Ok, I have a blonde joke. I am blonde officially and I even get a good laugh at these.

On the first day of training for parachute jumping, a blonde listened intently to the instructor. He told them to start preparing for landing when they are at 300 feet.

The blonde asked, "How am I supposed to know when I'm at 300 feet?"

"That's a good question. When you get to 300 feet, you can recognize the faces of people on the ground."

After pondering his answer, she asked, "What happens if there's no one there I know?"

A doctor calls his patient ,the Doc says I've bad news and worst news for you. Which do you want first ? The patient says the bad news. The Doc says you only have 24 hours to live. Well heck says the patient what could be worst news? The Doc says I tried to call you yesterday and couldnt reach you.

A hunter thought his wife was having a affair so he and his buddy followed her to spy. The Hunters buddy was spying through a hunting rifle gun scope. The buddy said well friend your right she is having affair she with the guy right now. Do you want to see ? The hunter said no shoot her in the head and him in the privates (penis). The buddy said I can do that with one shot.

Q. Where do you find a one legged dog?


A. Where you left it.


enjoy and GL

Should A Three-year Old Watch Childbirth?
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the
call.
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr
old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while
he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.
Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on
his bottom.
Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the
wide-eyed 3-year old what she thought about what she had just
witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in
there in the first place, smack his ass again!'

A hypnotist was doing a demonstration at a senior citizens center in town. He pulls out a beautiful gold pocket watch and starts to let it swing back and forth. He asks the crowd to watch it go "back and forth, back and forth, back and forth"..and so on. As he does so, he drops it. It crashes to the floor in many, many pieces. At that same moment he shouts "Oh SHIT".

You figure out the rest!

I am a real Ebay junkie and my son has learnt from me well..
he started school this year and the teacher was reading Jack and the Beanstalk to the class... At the end of the story the teacher and the class talked about the book and she was answering the kids questions...
Bailey (my son) put his hand and asked why the mum didnt just sell the cow on Ebay then they wouldnt have had all the problems with beans and giants,, lol
The teacher got such a laugh and couldnt wait to tell me after school.
Gotta love kids!!

A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a really
bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day
she took it to a repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a
blonde, so he decided to have some fun. He told her to go home
and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and all the dents would
pop out. So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees
and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little harder,
and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her and asked,
"What are you doing?" The first blonde told her how the repairman
had instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all
the dents to pop out. The roommate rolled her eyes and said, "Uh,
like hello! You need to roll up the windows first."

well

i post one but i want to know it s just for fun and no other thing

its just for show children are so sweet or so hards sometimes but its a american story i have traduce it with a translator , if you find it s hard , delete it please

President Bush visits an elementary school... When it enters a class, the pupils and the mistress are in full discussion on the words and their directions. The teacher proposes to the president to direct the discussion of the class on the word "tragedy". Therefore, the president asks the class to give him an example of "tragedy". A little boy rises and proposes: "If my best friend, alive just beside at home, is playing in the street and that a car passes and reverses it, that would be a tragedy." "Not..." known as Bush, "that would be an ACCIDENT!" A small girl raises the finger: "If a bus transporting 50 children falls from a cliff, them killing all by the same occasion, that would be a tragedy." "I am sorry but not..." explains the president, "Ca would be what one calls a LARGE LOSS!" The class remains quiet. No other raises is not devoted. President Bush seeks in the class. "to you it there nobody has here who can give me an example of tragedy?" Finally small Johnny, at the bottom of the part raises the hand. Of a voice it calms states: "If One Air Force, transporting Mr. and Mrs. Bush, were touched by a missile sent by somebody like Ousama Ben Laden and exploded of pieces, that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaim Bush, "It is right. And can you say to me WHY it would be a TRAGEDIE?" "And well..." known as Johnny, "Because that would not be an accident, and that would certainly not be a large loss!!!"

Cold Scared Cat