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CLOSED Best Jokes Contest | Free Contest Win 2X$50 GiftCards

Welcome to the NoLuckNeeded.com Contest Corner! We give away hundreds of dollars, euros, and pounds every month and all you have to do to participate is post a message in the contest threads below. Don't be shy, we're friendly! If you are not a member, join today for free.

Winners announced

Breeze
Posts: 11
Joined: Mar 25, 2012 7:39 am
Posted: Jun 10, 2012 4:14 am
A farmer wants to have his 3 sows bred, and so he drives over to a hog
breeder that lives down the road.The breeder shows the farmer his 3 male
pigs and they agree on a stud fee.

The farmer drives home, and loads the 3 sows into his pickup truck and
brings them down the road to the males. He leaves them there all day
long, and when he picks them up that night, he asks the breeder "How can
I tell when my pigs is pregnant?".

The breeder replies "Oh its easy to tell,....if the next morning, your sows
are quietly grazing on grass, they's pregnant, but... if they's rolling around in the mud as usual, they ain't!"

The next morning, the sows are rolling in the mud as usual, so the farmer
loads 'em into the truck and brings them back for a second full day of
frolicing.
This continues for a week, since each morning the sows are rolling in the mud.

About the sixth day, the farmer wakes up and while he's eating breakfast tells his wife, "I don't have the heart to look again. This is getting kinda
ridiculous, AND getting real expensive. Will ya look out the window and tell me what them pigs is doing."
"Do what?" the wife asks.
"Look out the window and tell me what them pigs is doing?"Is they wallowing around in the mud or is they grazing on the grass?"
"Neither." says the wife, as she opens the curtain and looks out the window. "Two of them pigs is jumping up and down in the back of the truck, and the other one is up front, honking the horn!"
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 10, 2012 10:23 am
Breeze, smile
Breeze
Posts: 11
Joined: Mar 25, 2012 7:39 am
Posted: Jun 11, 2012 5:45 am
For thought:

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs? Rabbits don't lay eggs.
When French people swear do they say pardon my English?
Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?
Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?
If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

and finally ... (I hope all the children have been put to bed)....
If Hooters restaraunt were to have door-to-door delivery service would they have to change their name to Knockers? smile
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 11, 2012 8:58 am
Breeze, smile
Shalon66
Posts: 3
Joined: Sep 02, 2010 3:03 pm
Posted: Jun 11, 2012 10:43 am
So this guy is looking at the menu at a classy restaurant, and he asks the waiter, "Excuse me sir but how do you prepare your chicken?" The waiter replies "Oh! well we just straight out tell 'em they're gonna die!" smile
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 11, 2012 10:56 am
Shalon66, I never heard that one! FUNNY! smile
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 13, 2012 3:18 pm
After Monday and Tuesday, even the week Says W T F ツ
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 14, 2012 2:12 pm
Who has some more jokes? smile
bubblegem
Posts: 404
Joined: Jan 12, 2010 11:12 pm
Posted: Jun 15, 2012 10:38 pm
A Vegas Trick
A man comes home to find his wife packing her bags. "Where are you going?" demands the surprised husband. "To Las Vegas! I found out that there are men that will pay me $500 to do what I do for you for free!" The man pondered that thought for a moment, and then began packing HIS bags. "What do you think you are doing?" she screamed. "I'm going to Las Vegas with you... I want to see how you're going to live on $1000 a year!"
smile smile
** Never iron a four-leaf clover, because you don't want to press your luck**
Bubblegem
DillyDallyAllie
Posts: 15
Joined: Nov 08, 2010 7:09 am
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 4:38 am
Just when you think you may have a gambling problem you suddenly realize it could be worse.
Sending Good Luck Wishes to Everyone!
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 9:18 am
bubblegem, DillyDallyAllie, FUNNY JOKES! smile
sdean19
Posts: 279
Joined: Jun 01, 2006 8:51 pm
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 10:10 am
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, "Martha, pack up your things. I just won the California lottery!" Martha replies, "Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?" The man responds, "I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!"
Sharon
gjr1961
Posts: 3690
Joined: Sep 30, 2006 8:05 pm
Posted: Jun 16, 2012 10:26 am
This is out of season, but I still like it.....

DON'T WORRY ~ smile ~ BE HAPPY!!!
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 17, 2012 7:24 am
sdean19, gjr1961, smile
TDTAT
Posts: 109275
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Jun 17, 2012 11:37 pm
smile