CLOSED $25N/D To Win! Something Funny Contest

Okay, I had to share this...

My seven year old daughter called me at work yesterday morning to let me know she was about to leave to catch her bus. I said okay, and told her to have a good day. As soon as I hung up, the phone rang right back. I picked it up and she said, "Oh, mom, I forgot to ask you something...are you gay?" I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. After listening to me stammer and stutter, she said, "I think you are, and I'm going to tell everyone my mom is the gayest mom in the world!!!" I said, "Sierra!!! Why would you say that??" She said, "Well, you are and that's why I love you a whole lot!!" I said, "Sierra, do you know what gay means?" She said, "Sure! It means you are the happiest person!!" Then she said, "bye, I love you!"

Needless to say, I sat at my desk stunned for a few minutes. I can imagine her announcing to the class that she has the gayest mom on earth!

Rolf, That is so sweet too. I bet you are a great mom Happy Valentines Day early!

jovida:
Rolf, That is so sweet too. I bet you are a great mom Happy Valentines Day early!

Thanks! You, too!

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something funny: Marriage is a great institution, personally I don't like institutions!

Hi guys. Got this one from a senior citizen friend of mine, who told it on a bus ride to Atlantic City a while back. Here it goes:

Late one night, an older man and woman are sleeping soundly in their bed.
Suddenly an intruder comes into their room, points a gun at them and tells them, "give me your money, or I'll shoot you both dead"!
Frightened as they were, they told him "We don't have any money".
The intruder then says to them "Guess I'll have to shoot you both". But before he does, he faces the woman and asks, "Hey you, what is your name"?
Trembling from the fear, the woman manages to answer "Eh, eh, eh, Elizabeth".
He says to her "Oh that was my mother's name, so I won't shoot you".
She lets out a sigh of relief.
He then looks at the older man and asks him "And you Fellow, what is your name"?
The man thought for a second and then quickly responded
"my name is Heh, heh, Herbert, but everyone calls me Elizabeth".

Hope you guys get the joke.

I thought this was funny, about half of you will not.

okay...got this off the internet

man in Montana had too much to drink and was passed out off to the side of the road.
A police officer knocked on his window and saw the bottle of booze on the seat and proceded to ask the man for his id.
The car was still running and the drunk guy panicked and decided to take off, but not realizing the car was still in park he rev'd up the engine, thinking he was moving seeing the odometer 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 mile per hour.
Being a quick witted officer, he started running in place along side the car as the man believed he was driving up the road. He yelled at the drunk, "pull over" the drunk pulled the wheel and gave up, terrified by the thought of this officer running 50 miles per hour.
Pretty sharp cop huh!

A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.

The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's "the" night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that."

"Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves.

Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.

The girl leans over to him and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

The boy leans over to her and whispers, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

hope u like it yall. good luck everyone and thank you GUys!

ok I just got this one from my sister in-law in my email. I just hate stupid questions.


Yesterday I
was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my dog at Wal-Mart and was about
to check out. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think
I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired, with little to do, on impulse, I told
her that no, I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again.
Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital last time,
but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her
that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load
your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you
feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it
again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified , she asked if I ended up in
intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no; I stepped off a
curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a car hit us both.

I thought the
guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so
hard!

WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.

voodookitty:

Now thats funny!! So cute

i got this from a friend....lol

A professor at the University of Kentucky was giving a lecture on the
supernatural. To get a feel for his audience, he asked, "How many people
here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raised their hands.

Well, that is a good start. Out of those of you who believe in ghosts,

do any of you think you have seen a ghost?"

About 40 students raised their hands.

"That's really good. I'm really glad you take this seriously. Has anyone

here ever talked to a ghost?"

About 15 students raised their hands..

"Has
anyone here ever touched a ghost?"

3 students raised their hands. "That's fantastic."

Now let me ask you one question further... Have any of you ever made love
to a ghost?"

Way in the back, Bubba raised his hand. The professor took off his glasses
and said, "Son, all the years I've been giving this lecture, no one has ever
claimed to have made love to a ghost. You've got to come up here and tell
us about your experience."

The big redneck student replied with a nod and a grin, and began to make his
way up to the podium. When he reached the front of the room, the professor
asked, "So, Bubba, tell us what it's like to have sex with a ghost?"

Bubba replied, "jeeze! From way back thar, I thought you said "Goats."

I was playing a poker tournament at Intertops, and this guy kept making all these comments on chat. I was doing OK, and then I got pocket queens, I rasied, he went all in, I called. He had pocket aces. He then said, "I was afraid you wouldn't call, I know how to fold queens." At this point, I asked him if he always behaved this way in tournaments...He turned out to be this really nice guy, and then I had to apologize. When I told my husband how I lost the tournament with pockets queens to this guy, he looked at me and said, "Oh honey, I'm sorry....I know how you hate to apologize"