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WAX is Not your Friend

This is funny! CAUTION: Be prepared to laugh out loud..

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their
promises of easy, painless removal - The Epilady, scissors,
razors, Nair andnow...the wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours:
"Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine
cabinet." So I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom.

It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of
hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they
get warm and you peel them apart and press them to your leg
(or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss,
no fuss. How hard can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but
I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out.
(YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. It's two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together,
my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to
1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip
across my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull.
It works! OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't
too bad. I can do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me!
I am She-rah, fighter of all wayward body hair and maker
of smooth skin extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on
the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate
hair fighting championship. I drop my panties and place
one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply
the one strip across the right side of my bikini line,
covering the right half of my *hoo-hoo* and stretching
down to the inside of my butt cheek (Yes, it was a long
strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself....RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.......OH, MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull
off half the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and
RRIIPP!!!! Everything is swirly and spotted. I think I
may pass out...must stay conscious......Do I hear crashing
drums??? Breathe, breathe......OK, back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one
that has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt
sticking to it. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip! There's
no hair on it. Where is the hair???
.......and................. WHERE IS THE WAX???

Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the
toilet. I see the hair. The hair that should be on the
strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP! I run my
fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake...remember my
foot is still propped up on the toilet? I know I need
to do something. So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!!
I hear the slamming of a cell door. *hoo-hoo*?
Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure
out what to do and think to myself "Please don't let
me get the urge to poop. My head may pop off!"
What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water!! Hot
water melts wax!!!

I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub,
get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should
melt and I can gently wipe it off, right??? WRONG!!!!!!!

I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical
equipment - I sit.

Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions
glued together is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water.
Which, by the way, doesn't melt cold wax.

So, now I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub as though
I had cement-epoxied myself to the porcelain!!

God bless the man who had convinced me a few months
ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!! I call my
friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has
some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are
glued together to the bottom of the tub!"

There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret
tricks for removal but she does try to hide her
laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where
the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or who-ha?"

She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear her. I give
her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on
the side of the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the
joke of someone else's night. While we go through
various solutions. I resort to scraping the wax off with
a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie
goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub
in super hot water and then dry-shaving the sticky wax
off!!

By now the brain is not working, dignity has taken a
major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see
my saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove
the excess wax. What do Ireally have to lose at this
point? I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

The scream probably woke the kids and scared the
dickens out of my friend.

It's sooo painful, but I really don't care.
"IT WORKS!! It works!!" I get a hearty
congratulation from my friend and she hangs up.
I successfully remove the remainder of the wax
and then notice to my grief and despair....
...THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!

So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg at
this point.

Next week I'm going to try hair color......
............................................Now that's funny ......... Not!

PAMNDAVE, Good to see you again!

This pic spooked me real well!!

LadyLucky, Welcome back!

precious!!!!!!!!!!!!!

: The Legend of Dracula


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Worldwide there are many names for mythical creatures that live forever by drinking the blood of human victims. We know them as nosferatu, the un-dead and - the most common term in America - Vampire.

Vampires appear in the folklore of cultures all over the world, and some of these vampire stories can be traced back thousands of years. People in Germany, China, Egypt, Romania, Greece and Russia all tell stories about these mysterious creatures that drink blood of innocent victims. Hollywood glamorized the image of the vampire, making him the epitome of the American dream - debonair, hypnotically seductive, and immortal. Vampires were always ugly vile creatures that no mortal would choose to become. In most cases he is no more than an animated corpse that must feed on blood. In some cases such as the Irish Dearg-Due, the vampire is a beautiful female. In China they are red eyed monsters with green or pink hair. The Grecian Lamia has the upper body of a women and the lower body of a winged serpent, and the Penanggalang of Malaysia is a head with trailing stomach and entrails.

The vampires we are familiar with today are mostly based on the deeply rooted eastern European legends that in turn had spread from the Far East along the silk route, through India to the Mediterranean, thence to the Balkans and, of course, Romania and Transylvania. As Christianity spread, belief in vampires also spread. The Catholic Church supported the idea that vampires existed as agents of the devil, officially recognizing their existence in 1215. They also claimed that the church was the only authority strong enough to eliminate a vampire. Meanwhile the Orthodox Church decreed that a bi-product of excommunication was becoming more prone to vampirism. Belief was also fueled by the spread of plagues that wiped out entire communities. Faced with victims that gradually wasted away, with no medical knowledge and thus unable to explain the situation, the common man conceived the rational explanation of vampirism as the cause of the suffering.

Slavic countries believed that the causes of vampirism included being born with a hair lip, teeth or tail; being conceived on certain days; irregular death; excommunication; improper burial rites; etc. Evidence of vampires at work included death in domestic animals or relatives, exhumed bodies being in a lifelike state with new growth of fingernails or hair, or blood on the mouth of a corpse. Romanian vampires are a variation on the Slavic and are called Strigoi based on the Roman term Strix that came to mean demon or witch. Added to the list of possible causes of vampirism were being the seventh son of a seventh son, being born between Christmas and Epiphany, or being the child of a woman who did not eat enough salt. A mass mania concerning vampirism spread through eastern Europe in the late seventeenth through the eighteenth centuries. Graves would be opened, - three years after the death of a child, five years for a young person and seven for an adult - to check for vampirism. Beginning in the Balkans the plague spread westwards into Germany, Italy, France, England and Spain. Philosophers in the West began to seriously study the phenomenon in the 1830s including leading figures such as Diderot and Voltaire. A leading Biblical scholar of the day, Dom Augustin Calmet, wrote a famous treatise (1746) on vampirism in which he questioned the veracity of the tales. Despite his writings, the superstitions of the day prevailed.

STINGY JACK

When we think of Jack-o-Lanterns today we think of the carved pumpkins with candles lighting them brightly from within; but did you know that the Jack-o-Lantern actually has deep historical roots and originally didn't even involve a pumpkin? The Jack-o-Lantern stems from an old Irish myth about a man named Stingy Jack.

Stingy Jack
"Stingy Jack." According to the story, Stingy Jack, an Irish blacksmith and notorious drunk, had the great misfortune to run into the Devil in a pub. Jack invited the Devil to have a drink with him. True to his name, Stingy Jack didn't want to pay for his drink, so he convinced the Devil to turn himself into a sixpence that Jack could use to buy their drinks in exchange for Jack's soul. Once the Devil did so, Jack decided to keep the money and put it into his pocket next to a silver cross, which prevented the Devil from changing back into his original form. Jack eventually freed the Devil, under the condition that he would not bother Jack and not try to claim his soul for ten years. When the ten years had passed, Jack ran into the Devil as he walked down a country road. The Devil was anxious to claim what was due but Jack stalled. Jack thought quickly and said to the devil. "I'll go, but before I go, will you get me an apple from that tree?" The Devil thinking he had nothing to lose climbed the tree as Jack pointed to the choicest apple. Perturbed, the Devil climbed high into the tree after the apple Jack selected. When he was high up in the tree, Jack carved a sign of the cross into the tree's bark so that the Devil could not come down. Jack, very proud of himself made the Devil promise to never again ask him for his soul. Seeing no other choice the Devil reluctantly agreed.

Soon after, Jack died. As the legend goes, God would not allow such an unsavory figure into heaven. The Devil, upset by the trick Jack had played on him and keeping his word not to claim his soul, would not allow Jack into hell. Being unable to go to heaven or hell Jack asked the Devil where he should go. The Devil only replied, "Back where you came from!" The way back was very dark so Jack begged the Devil to at least give him a light to find his way. The Devil tossed Jack burning coal from the fire of hell to light his way. Jack put the coal into a carved-out turnip and has been roaming the Earth with ever since. The Irish began to refer to this ghostly figure as "Jack of the Lantern," and then, simply "Jack O'Lantern." Today we commonly spell it jack-o-lantern or jack-o'-lantern.

In Ireland and Scotland, people believed that spirits and ghosts could enter their world on Halloween. These spirits and ghosts would be attracted to the comforts of their earthly lives. People not wanting to be visited by these ghosts would set food and treats out to appease the roaming spirits and began to make their own versions of Jack's lanterns by carving scary faces into turnips or potatoes and placing them into windows or near doors to frighten away Stingy Jack and other wandering evil spirits. In England, large beets are used. Immigrants from these countries brought the jack-o'-lantern tradition with them when they came to the United States. They soon found that pumpkins, a fruit native to America, make perfect jack-o'-lanterns. They were softer and easier to carve than the turnips and potatoes of their homeland.

So remember this Halloween when you are carving your pumpkin the moral of the story of Stingy Jack.

I thought this to be a scary movie.

Happy Halloween Everyone !!!!

BlackJackBob, You too!

This contest closes in 1 week! Who has not entered?

something "SCARY" hehehehe
HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!!

H A P P Y H A L L O W E E N!!!!!! H A P P Y H A L L O W E E N!!!!!!