Girls are like internet domain names...
The ones I like are already taken.
So good I had to tweet it!
(but changed out women for men, because I am a woman
who likes men, that are usally already taken!
) CLOSED | Best One Liner Jokes | Free Joke Contest | $30
Welcome to the NoLuckNeeded.com Contest Corner! We give away hundreds of dollars, euros, and pounds every month and all you have to do to participate is post a message in the contest threads below. Don't be shy, we're friendly! If you are not a member, join today for free.
Closed- winner announced
TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 12:31 pm
So good I had to tweet it!
(but changed out women for men, because I am a woman
who likes men, that are usally already taken!
) 
codyman
Posts: 1450
Joined: Mar 16, 2006 11:56 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 1:25 pm
I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Always do whatever's next.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done
I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
Always do whatever's next.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done
Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers
str8lagger
Posts: 604
Joined: Sep 12, 2006 5:57 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 1:54 pm
Well its not really a one liner but It made me laugh so I thought I dpost it here in the good ol' joke contest...
voodookitty
Posts: 4435
Joined: Mar 06, 2006 3:04 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 2:09 pm
*What do you call a fish with no eye?
"A fsh"
*What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
"Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear"
*What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
"DAMN"!
*Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
"He was charged with battery"
*Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
"Coz they got big fingers"!!!!!!!!!
"A fsh"
*What do you do with a years worth of used condoms?
"Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear"
*What does a fish say when it runs into a wall?
"DAMN"!
*Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested?
"He was charged with battery"
*Why do gerillas have big nostralls?
"Coz they got big fingers"!!!!!!!!!
TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 2:37 pm
voodookitty, AWESOME!!! Tweeting some of those now 
voodookitty
Posts: 4435
Joined: Mar 06, 2006 3:04 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 3:03 pm
voodookitty, AWESOME!!! Tweeting some of those now
COOL!!!
While you're doing that....
I'll go to get my coffee at Starbucks and stop at the doughnut shop for a
custard filled chocolate bar (and, possible a cinnamon twist, too..
)!And... I'll have more one liners for you, when I return (
I think) TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 3:06 pm
voodookitty, I want a low fat blueberry muffin from Starbucks please... keep the doughnuts
Why did you think I had these contests? For fun? LOL I need tweeting material
Why did you think I had these contests? For fun? LOL I need tweeting material
brunett
Posts: 1487
Joined: Oct 04, 2004 11:39 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 3:34 pm
call the psychic hotline from your cellphone ask them to see what floor im on,
yes my 2 daughters i love them very much
brunett
Posts: 1487
Joined: Oct 04, 2004 11:39 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 3:44 pm
mental health helpline. hello welcome to mental health helpline,if you are obsessive complusive conclusive.press 1. if you are codependent press2,if you have multipal personalties press 3 4 5 6.if you are parnoid we know what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call,.if you are delusional, press 7 and you will be transfered to the mother ship,
yes my 2 daughters i love them very much
voodookitty
Posts: 4435
Joined: Mar 06, 2006 3:04 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 4:00 pm
voodookitty, I want a low fat blueberry muffin from Starbucks please... keep the doughnuts
Why did you think I had these contests? For fun? LOL I need tweeting material
Okay,
I think either, they were out of 'lowfat' blueberry muffins or I just forgot to look for them!!!!!
Because, I still ended up at the doughnut shop... and, came home with 2
doughnuts. (would have been 3, had I not eaten one on the way home!)
These are 'clean' one liners... (if you want not so clean.. send me a request, via pm
)Q. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A. A nervous wreck.
Q. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A. Anyone can roast beef.
Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. They're trying to get away from the noise.
Q. What's the definition of mixed emotions?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.
Q. Did you hear about the new "divorced" Barbie doll that they're selling in stores now?
A. It comes with all of Ken's stuff.
Q. What does a skeleton get when he goes to a bar?
A. A beer and a mop.
Q. How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A. About two - if they're thinly sliced.
Q. Did you hear about the blind man who went bungee jumping?
A. He loved it, but it scared the hell out of his dog.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they taste funny.
TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 4:12 pm
voodookitty, please post the non clean one liners IMMEDIATELY.. 
voodookitty
Posts: 4435
Joined: Mar 06, 2006 3:04 am
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 4:21 pm
voodookitty, please post the non clean one liners IMMEDIATELY..
Really?Naw.... I could not do that!
The Members would think crazy things about me!
Ha...Ha... !
I could send them all to you, and you could post!
TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 4:47 pm
voodookitty, Deal! I am not shy and everyone already knows I am crazy! 
TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 4:56 pm
Don't think I'm not religious... I have studied most religions & believe them all just to be safe & cover the spread. #religion
#religion TDTAT
Posts: 109270
Joined: Mar 11, 2006 7:06 pm
Posted: Apr 19, 2009 5:17 pm
Via an anonymous member whose name starts with v...
*Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
*A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
*Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
*Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!
*Q. What's the difference between a porcupine and a Porsche?
A. The porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
*How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his whopper.
*A girl went into a doctors office with a Strawberry up her ass, The doctor said I've got some "Cream" For that.
*Q. Did you hear about the guy who's a dyslexic-bulimic?
A. He eats, and then he sticks his finger up his ass.
*Q. What do you do if you come across a tiger in the jungle?
A. Wipe him off, apologize and RUN!