CLOSED Best Joke Contest *WIN $15 FREE@ Sloto'Cash- rukus

slot mom That was rich!!

OK, this is raunchy and you may have to delete it, however:

There was a woman who always bought a lot of dogfood when she went to the store. The clerk asked her if she had a lot of dogs. She said no, I don't have any dogs, I buy the dogfood for my husband, he likes to eat it. Time goes by and the woman goes back to the store, but she didn't buy dogfood. The clerk asked her if her husband had stopped eating dogfood. The woman said, no, he died. The clerk asked what the husband had died of. The woman said he got ran over by a bus. So the clerk said how did that happen? The woman said, oh, he was laying out in the middle of the street, licking his p***s and a bus came along and ran over him.

i dont mean 2offend any of u ladys out there its just a funny

why do they call it pms?





cause mad cow disease was allready takn

ok heres an oldie

2 men hunting in the woods one has2pee while hes peeing a rattlesnake

bites his johnson. as he lay there crying his friend asks what happened,

a rattlesnake bit my pecker man what do i do? the friend says stay here

ill get help.

hes goes 2 the doc in town and says doc my frien was bit by a

rattlesnake what do i do? the doctor explaines that you have 2 cut an x

where the bite is and suck out the poison. REALLY? what will happen if i

dont? well then he will die. so he goes back 2 his friend who asks what

did the doctor say man?


he said you was gonna die

OK THIS JOKE IS PRETTY BAD, SO IF IT OFFENDS ANYONE IM TRULY TRULY SORRY.. O.K. MR. SMITH COMES HOME FROM WORK THE HOUSE IS A MESS BREAKFAST DISHES STILL ON THE TABLE , " WHAT WHERE THE HELL IS MY WIFE." THE PHONE RINGS MR. SMITH ANSWERS "YAH HELLO"
" MR SMITH THIS IS SUCH AND SUCH HOSPITAL YOUR WIFE HAS BEEN IN A TERRIBLE ACCIDENT, YOU NEED TO GET DOWN HERE!" HE HANGS UP AND RUSHES TO THE HOSPITAL.
WHEN HE GETS THERE HE WAITS AND WAITS , FINALLY THE DR COMES OUT " MR. SMITH"
"YAH, DOC WHAT IS GOING ON WITH MY WIFE?"
THE DR SAYS " WELL HER ACCIDENT WAS SO SEVERE UNFORTUNETLY I HAVE SOME GOOD NEWS AND SOME BAD NEWS WHY DONT YOU TELL ME WHAT YOU WANNA HEAR FIRST."
MR SMITH REPLIES "WHAT! COME ON, JUST GIVE ME THE BAD NEWS FIRST."
"WELL LIKE I SAID THE ACCIDENT WAS SO SEVERE THAT HER CHEST AREA WAS GRAVLED OUT, AND HER CROTCH AREA WAS WAS RIPPED SO FAR OPEN WE'VE HAD TO PREMENATLY STITCH IT CLOSED."
" WHAT THE @%!* " YELLS MR SMITH "WHATS THE GOOD NEWS?"
THE DOCTOR THEN SAYS " IM JUST KIDDING, SHES DEAD!"


AGAIN HOPE I DIDNT OFFEND ANYONE, HEARD THIS ONE IN A BAR IN HONOLULU FROM AN NBC SPORTS CAMERA MAN

YOU REALLY GOTTA HAND IT TO THOSE BLIND HOOKERS!

Ok this is my all time favorite joke

Little tommy is practicing his math with his mother one evening before bed. Little Tommy's mother asks him "what is 2 + 2?" Tommy replies "son of a bitch is 4."

Tommy's mother not sure he said what she thought he had said ignores the comment and asks "what is 3 + 3?" Which Tommy replies "son of a is six."

Then his mother upset and wondering just what they are teaching her son at school stops the math lessons and sends Tommy on to bed.

The following day Tommy's mother shows up at Tommy's class to discuss with his teacher the fact that he has theis outburst and curses whenever he was asked a math question.

Tommy's mother explains how she asked Tommy to tell her what 2+2 = equaled and then she said "Tommy said son of a bitch is 4."

When the teacher heard this she began laughing histerically, which made Tommy's mother even more angry: The teacher sensed this and stopped laughing but giggling while she explained the way its done in class.

"No, no when we practice I say," "2+2 the some of which is 4" then the teacher burst into laught once again.

Okay I heard this one last night,
I man and a lady co-worker walks into the bar after work one day the man slams down his fist and tells the bartender give me one of my special shots the bartender says no I cant do that, he slams his fist down once again and says Im not going to ask anymore give me my special shot. The bartender says well if you insist, the man chugs the shot jumps out the window flys in a circle and sits back down. The woman is sitting their amazed hollars for the bartender and says I want that special shot, once again the bartnder says ma'm I can't give you that special shot, well you know how woman are she gets to raising hell, and the bartender finally says fine here is your special shot she chugs the shot jumps out the window and falls to her death. The bartender looks at the guy and say's Superman you sure can be an ass sometimes.

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"

sloto - jherdt

My best joke? My ex-husband.

A MAN IS STANDING AT THE BAR HAVING A DRINK.

THE LOUNGE DOOR OPENS.

A GUY WALKS IN & UP TO THE BAR NEXT TO THE MAN AND ORDERS A DRINK FROM THE BARKEEP.

WHILE HE'S STANDING THERE DRINKING; HE'S SWAYING BACK-IN-FORTH.

THE MAN ASKED
"WHAT'S WRONG? ARE YOU ALRIGHT?"

THE GUY REPLYS
"NOTHING. I'M A SAILOR, HAVE BEEN FOR MORE THEN 30 YEARS NOW. I'VE GOT, WHAT I GUESS YOU'D CALL, 'SEA LEGS'...THAT'S ALL."

THE MAN TURNED FACING HIM AND SAID
"SEA LEGS...HUH. I'VE BEEN A LAWYER FOR OVER 35 YEARS AND YOU DON'T SEE ME DOING THIS DO YOU...?..."
AS HE EXTENDED HIS ARMS AS IF TO HOLD SOMEONE AND STARTED HUMPING.

>>PAMNDAVE3941<<

bc:
My best joke? My ex-husband.

you guys are too funny

Ok short and cute.

How do you make a tissue dance?




Put a little boggie in it.